(upon entering The Hanged Man for the first time)
- Talkative Man: That man over there. He's been staring at me for an entire hour. I counted.
- Varric: Maybe he likes you.
- Talkative Man: No. He knows. He knows that I know. But what he does not know is that I know that he knows that I know.
- Varric: How do you know that he doesn't know that you know that he knows that you know, you know?
- Talkative Man: What?
- Varric: Exactly.
- Freelance prostitute outside The Blooming Rose: Varric! I haven't seen you in ages! When are you going to introduce me to more of your friends?
- (entering The Blooming Rose) Madame Lusine runs this place for Harlan. Or with him. Or on him. It's a Coterie thing.
- (passing by the Wounded Coast lookout point) Water. Pretty exciting, I know.
- (entering the Bones Pit) Hubert's miners must be a desperate lot to work here.
- (entering Hightown market) I spend way too much time here.
- (arriving at the Docks) Can we skip the Gallows? I've had my oppression for the day, thanks.
- (after getting unconscious) Dear Varric, please learn to parry. Your innards. Ouch!
- (Lowtown, day) Despite the name, Lowtown's not so bad. Just... more likely to be destroyed by tidal waves than Hightown.
- (Lowtown, night) A lot of people are afraid to come here at night. I don't know why. The thieves will still shoot you in daylight.
- (Hightown, day) Ah, Hightown. Where the rich go to piss their money away. This really is the best place in Kirkwall.
- (Hightown, day) Keep a hand on your coin, Hawke. There are more cutpurses in Hightown than in rest of the city combined.
- (Hightown, night) It's pretty here at night. Once the nobles are out of the way, you can really admire the scenery.
- (The Docks, day) Bartrand likes to make me deal with the harbormaster. That man always smells like cod liver oil.
- (The Docks, night) Have I mentioned that dwarves are lousy swimmers? Just... keep that in mind before you talk to any drunk sailors.
- (The Darktown) You know what I love about the Undercity? Absolutely nothing.
- (The Hanged Man) If you try any of the beer nuts, make sure they aren't moving first.
- (The Hanged Man) Want a drink? I'll put it on my tab.
- (The Hanged Man) This is the best place to listen to gossip in Kirkwall.
- (The Blooming Rose) This place reminds me way too much of the Merchants Guild.
- (The Viscount Keep) I don't know what the ancient Tevinters used this place for, but I bet it wasn't "making people feel at home".
- (The Chantry) I've always kind of liked this place. It's like a building full of sweet old grandmothers.
- (Sundermount) Oh hey, nature. I've heard about this. Thought it was just a rumor.
- (The Wounded Coast) This is, beyond a doubt, the most wretched place I've ever been. The sooner we get back to Kirkwall, the better.
- (The Bone Pits) I've lived all my life in Kirkwall, and until now, I've managed to avoid coming here. Wish I'd kept that up.
- (The Deep Roads) I will not be sorry to see daylight again.
- (The Deep Roads) I am getting truly sick of looking at stalagmites. Or are they stalactites? Shit, I don't know.
- (The Deep Roads) Andraste's ass, dwarves actually live down here? On purpose? What in blazes for?
- (Lowtown, night) You know who I don't want to meet in a Lowtown alley at night? Pretty much anyone.
- (Hightown, day) Don't make eye contact with dwarf merchants here. I've skipped the last five guild meetings.
- (Hightown, night) I've heard the nobles grousing about the commoners moving up. Congratulation, Hawke! You ruined the neighborhood!
- (The Docks, day) What is this smell? Why does this place always smell?
- (The Docks, night) This place rivals the Undercity for "worst part of Kirkwall".
- (Darktown) This is some of the most expensive real estate in Kirkwall. Usually paid for in body parts.
- (The Hanged Man) If you want a drink, order it from Corff. In three years, Norah has never gotten my order right.
- (The Hanged Man) This is the best tavern in Kirkwall. It could use some cute dwarven serving girls, but otherwise, it's perfect.
- (The Viscount Keep) How many servants do you think it takes to clean rafters in this place?
- (The Chantry) You know, I think the Chant of Light would be more popular if it had more battles in it. Just a hunch.
- (Sundermount) This outdoor thing is growing on me. Like a tumor.
- (The Bone Pits) This place gives me the creeps. It's probably the name. They should call it "the pie fields". Everyone likes pie.
- (Lowtown, day) I got used to this placed being filled with oxmen. It's strange not seeing them around.
- (Lowtown, night) What is this smell? I think someone's murdered an elf in the alley. Watch your step.
- (Hightown, night) All the most interesting things in Kirkwall happen in Hightown after dark. True story.
- (The Docks, day) Great, it reminds me that I have five shipping manifests to look over when I get home.
- (The Docks, night) I don't care what people say, the sound of waves is not soothing.
- (Darktown) And this is still the rankiest pit in Thedas. Never changes.
- (The Hanged Man) If you want to see something funny, flirt with Edwina. Go on, I dare you.
- (The Hanged Man) My palatial suite in the Hanged Man is your palatial suite, Hawke. Make yourself at home.
- (The Hanged Man) Did I pay my tab this month? Ah, I'll sort it out later.
- (The Viscount Keep) After what happened here, I can't imagine anyone's eager to move into the viscount palace.
- (The Chantry) The grand cleric reminds me of my mother. A really tall version of Mother. With a nicer hat.
- (The Wounded Coast) We're surrounded by nothing for as as the eye can see. Why do we keep coming here?
Varric and Hawke
At the beginning of the quest Repentance:
- Sebastian: I-- Hawke! We were just talking about you.
- Hawke: Carry on. I love to eavesdrop.
- Varric: "Hawke said sarcastically."
If the aggressive option was chosen
- Varric: "Hawke said aggressively."
- Hawke: You know I hate it when you do that.
- Varric: "Hawke muttered in an angry aside to the dwarf..."
Inside the Hawke Estate, must have Dog
- Varric: You know, you play diamondback better than my cousin Vidar. (To Dog)
- Varric: You wag your tail whenever you have a good hand, though. Might want to watch that.
- Dog: (Barks)
- Hawke: Is it brilliant or horrible that you play diamondback with my dog? (humorous) / It's a short tail. I'm sure nobody notices. (diplomatic) / He doesn't take well to having his flaws pointed out. (aggressive)
- Varric: All I'm saying is, he'd be up more than two sovereigns if he watched his tells.
- Varric: My Uncle Emmet has a whole pack of rat terriers who play every week.
- Varric: They're a cutthroat bunch. You've got a long way to go to be their quality.
- Dog: (Growls)
- Varric: Now don't take it bad—you're still better than Anders.
- Dog: (Happy bark!)
- Varric: Coming to the Hanged Man later?
- Dog: (Barks)
Varric and Anders
- Anders: What?
- Varric: Just wondering if the feathered pauldrons are an essential part of the moody rebel mage persona.
- Anders: What are you talking about?
- Varric: I'm working on an epic poem about a hopelessly romantic apostate waging an epic struggle against forces he can't possibly defeat.
- Anders: What do you mean, “can't possibly defeat?”
- Varric: Well, it's not a good story unless the hero dies.
- Anders: I've always wondered, why is every surface dwarf a merchant or a smith?
- Varric: You left out criminals and hired muscle.
- Anders: They don't count.
- Varric: We dwarves are drawn to shiny objects. Sort of like Magpies, but with business sense.
- Anders: You're kidding.
- Varric: Of course I am. We come to the surface with the skills our ancestors had, Blondie.
- Varric: You think there's a tradition of dwarf woodcutters in Orzammar? Bee keepers? Sailors?
- Anders: Well, there could be mushroom growers and nug wranglers.
- Varric: Orzammar will never let those people go topside. Too vital. Also, embarrassing.
- Varric: So a human, an elf, and a dwarf walk into a bar...
- Anders: The human says, "You're lucky you're so short. That hurt like mad!"
- Varric: You could have just stopped me, Blondie.
- Anders: Why waste a perfectly good set-up?
- Anders: Boiling in oil.
- Varric: Too prosaic. Trapped in a cave with hungry bears, right at the spring thaw.
- Anders: That lets him off too easy. Dipped in molten gold and left as a statue in the Viscount's Keep.
- Varric: Ooh. That's poetic!
- Hawke: What are you two talking about?
- Varric: What to do to Bartrand when I find him.
- Anders: Any suggestions?
- Varric: Blondie, I don't mean to sound critical, but have you considered a new line of work?
- Anders: Such as?
- Varric: Pretty much anything? I don't think "renegade mage" has a bright future. Or any retirement plan.
- Varric: If you've got something to say, just spit it out.
- Anders: Are you sure you want to encourage me? I might be about to confess my undying love
- Varric: I get that a lot. So what's on your mind?
- Anders: I just realized it's been a while since any of the gangs in the Undercity came to my door.
- Varric: They're busy people. Places to go, throats to cut. Maybe you've slipped their minds.
- Anders: Right. The apostate running the free clinic in the sewers. Easy to forget. You didn't have anything to do with this?
- Varric: You must have me confused with someone else! I'm just a businessman and a storyteller.
If you complete Dissent
- Varric: Oh, cheer up, Blondie. You're making me cry just looking at you.
- Anders: Don't.
- Varric: You made a mistake. It happens.
- Anders: I almost killed a girl.
- Varric: You've killed two-hundred and fifty-four by my last count. Plus about five hundred men, a few dozen giant spiders, and at least two demons.
- Anders: It's not the same.
- Varric: Why? Because this one you feel bad about? Maybe that's the problem.
- Varric: So, three templars walk into a tavern.
- Anders: Not right now, Varric.
- Varric: You feeling all right, Blondie? You're always in the mood for templar jokes.
- Varric: So, the knight-commander... Boiling in oil? That one never gets old.
- Anders: This is past time for joking.
- Varric: I'm helping you indulge in elaborate revenge fantasies. I think it's good for you.
- Anders: Meredith will die. Do not doubt that.
- Varric: Go away, Justice. Can Anders come out and play?
- Anders: Stop.
- Varric: You are no fun anymore.
- Varric: You've been glowering for days. Your face is going to get stuck that way.
- Anders: My face is the least of my concerns right now.
- Varric: That's because you don't have to look at it.
- Varric: If you could see it from this angle, Blondie, it'd be at least a close second on your priority list.
If Hawke romances Anders
- Anders: You're giving me that look again. What are you writing this time?
- Varric: So, you and Hawke... I need some details. Did you go down on one knee? Did he/she jump you? Did you swear eternal vows of love, or is this just a physical thing?
- Anders: I don't see how that's any of your business.
- Varric: Fine, but if you don't tell me, I'm just going to have to make it up.
Varric and Aveline
- Aveline: Varric, do you do anything?
- Varric: Am I the next stop in your career evaluations? Joy of joys.
- Aveline: You watch and you talk. Is that it?
- Varric: You are dismissing hallmarks of both the utterly ineffectual and the incredibly dangerous.
- Aveline: I don't know what you mean.
- Varric: It means coins flow when I talk and when I shut up. Like if you got paid to guard or unguard.
- Aveline: That makes no sense.
- Varric: Good.
- Aveline: Maybe I should put you to use Varric. Have you pen some warnings for the lawless.
- Varric: Who's that for? Are most criminals big readers? Seems like pacifying the nobles.
- Aveline: Pictures then. It was just a suggestion.
- Varric: Well how about a giant sign that just says "Don't." You could hit people with it.
- Aveline: Thank you, I get the point.
- Varric: A Fereldan in the guard. What will they think of next?
- Aveline: You have a problem with that?
- Varric: Me? My family's not native either. I'm just surprised. Lots of old prejudice in the guard.
- Aveline: I'll give them plenty of reason to change their minds.
- Varric: You know, it's possible they're just scared shitless of you. That's my theory, anyway.
- Varric: So what do you do, Aveline?
- Aveline: You know I'm a guard, why are you asking?
- Varric: I mean in your off-duty hours. For fun. You've heard of it, I hope?
- Aveline: These are my off-duty hours.
- Varric: And the trend of you scaring the piss out of me continues.
- Aveline: Blondie, Sunshine, Daisy, Rivaini... What am I?
- Varric: Beg your pardon?
- Aveline: You don't call anyone by name except for me. Where's my nickname?
- Varric: That's not true. There's Hawke. And Bianca.
- Aveline: "Hawke" is a family name and Bianca is a crossbow. Don't change the subject.
- Varric: Haven't thought of a good one yet. What do you think of "Red?"
- Aveline: Too common.
- Varric: Well, when you think of one, let me know.
- Aveline: You, Varric, have a very large mouth.
- Varric: And here I've always looked up to you. What is it now?
- Aveline: There were fistfights in the barracks over who is the model for your guard serial.
- Varric: Hard in Hightown. Riveting stuff. Everyone loves a dirty guard on the edge.
- Aveline: Varric.
- Varric: Fine. I'll start his big finish. Three chapters until Donnen Brennicovick retires and opens a tavern on the coast.
- Varric: I sure hope he makes it. He's getting too old for this shit.
- Aveline: You are very close to losing your printing blocks, Varric.
- Varric: Once more I am falsely accused of whatever it is that I am accused of. Falsely.
- Aveline: Someone swapped the text of my recruitment poster with some filth from the Blooming Rose.
- Varric: That does sound pretty good.
- Aveline: Sure, fill barracks with whores. But you've also filled the Rose with guards.
- Varric: It is true what they say. The best comedy comes from tragedy.
- Aveline: You know the Tethras family businesses are registered in your cousin Elmand's name?
- Varric: You don't say?
- Aveline: But I can't find any record of you having a cousin Elmand.
- Varric: I'll introduce you some time. He's a little on the shy side.
- Aveline: Varric. He's imaginary.
- Varric: Which makes him a much better head of the household than I am. He never misses the Merchants Guild meetings, for one.
- Aveline: You're too quiet, Varric.
- Varric: I'm thinking of switching to romances. Nothing? Not even a foreboding frown?
Only if The Long Road has been completed:
- Aveline: I am content. Write what you will.
- Varric: Well that certainly takes the fun out of it. Contentment in the barracks? Who'll pay to hear that shit?
- Aveline: Then I should have thought of it years ago.
- Aveline: Do what you will. I don't care.
- Varric: That is... not a comforting thought.
- Aveline: It is what it is. I'm used to it.
- Varric: I think we've both lost some inspiration.
- Aveline: Why are you still here, Varric?
- Varric: Starkhaven's too pretentious for me and Cumberland's too boring.
- Aveline: You always say you hate commitment, but here you are, six years later, still at Hawke's side.
- Varric: Aveline, I thought you'd have noticed by now: I lie a lot.
- Aveline: Strange, I always thought I'd wind up arresting you some day.
- Varric: If I ever decide to get caught, Aveline, you'll be the guard I let catch me.
- Aveline: "Let catch you?"
- Varric: "Decide to get caught" didn't trip you up though. Good to know!
- Aveline: How are you at finales, Varric?
- Varric: I expecting some practical experience fairly soon.
- Aveline: Make it a good one, will you?
- Varric: For you, madam, endless sunsets and roses.
- Aveline: Varric.
- Varric: And the swift hand of the law sweeping all aside. I thought it went unsaid.
Varric and Bethany
- Bethany: You don't seem to like your brother very much.
- Varric: And here I thought it took blood magic to read minds.
- Bethany: I had a twin brother, Carver. He used to nail my braid to the bed while I was sleeping.
- Bethany: I never thought I'd miss him this much.
- Varric: Sorry about your brother.
- Varric: Hey, you want mine? I've got a spare...
- Bethany: Do you ever wish you lived in Orzammar?
- Varric: Great Ancestors, no! You know what Orzammar is?
- Varric: It's cramped tunnels, filled with nug-shit and body-odor.
- Varric: And every person there thinks he's better than you because his great-great-great grandfather made a water-clock or something.
- Bethany: But they're your people. Don't you even wonder what it would be like?
- Varric: I have a good imagination. Why would I waste it on that?
- Bethany: Are you really not afraid of apostates? Not even a little?
- Varric: Sunshine, I'm a dwarf. In case you missed that detail.
- Bethany: Dwarves aren't completely immune to magic, you know.
- Varric: No, no, no! I meant there are at least thirty people in this town who'd murder my family over trade deals.
- Varric: Who has time to worry about apostates with a Merchant's Guild breathing down your neck?
- Bethany: In that case... I see.
- Bethany: Your family used to be noble, right?
- Varric: By some definition of the term.
- Bethany: Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like, if you were still nobles?
- Varric: Sunshine, nobility is just an expensive lifestyle. I've already got one of those.
- Bethany: Nobles have power, too. And responsibilities.
- Varric: Estates, servants, investments, mercenaries, assassins? We've still got all those things.
- Varric: It's sunnier here, and nobody calls me my lord. I think I can live with that.
Only if Birthright has been completed:
- Varric: So... Milady Sunshine, what's your first act of noblewoman going to be?
- Bethany: A noblewoman with no fortune and no title? Looking for work, probably.
- Varric: Practicality is for peasants, my lady. You need to do something frivolous to celebrate your birthright.
- Bethany: Such as...?
- Varric: Come up to the Hightown Market and complain bitterly that there's no Orlesian silk that matches your eyes.
- Bethany: But what if something does match my eyes? What will I do, then?
- Varric: Insist that they're blatantly copying you, and demand royalties. A good noble always has a complaint ready, Sunshine.
Varric and Carver
- Varric: You know, Junior, it's eerie how much of a resemblance there is between you two.
- Carver: She's my sister, of course there's a resemblance. [If Hawke is female.]
- Carver: We're brothers, what's eerie about that? [If Hawke is male.]
- Varric: Ooh, you thought I meant Hawke. I was talking about Gamlen.
- Carver: Maker, I hate you dwarf.
- Carver: Don't look at me.
- Varric: What's the problem, little Hawke?
- Carver: Don't call me...just don't alright? You're just looking for fodder for your stories.
- Varric: You think you're that interesting?
- Carver: I have enough trouble being overshadowed as it is. I don't need to get caught under an imaginary me, too.
- Varric: Don't you worry. I'm not in the business of lullabies or children's stories.
- Carver: I'm surprised these tunnels don't simply collapse.
- Varric: Dwarves made them.
- Carver: Then I'm surprised they're not smaller.
- Varric: You know, Junior, you're looking at this all wrong.
- Carver: Whatever it is you're about to say, I'm not interested.
- Varric: I'm a professional younger brother. Trust me, the center of attention's the worst place to be.
- Varric: When things go wrong, and they always do, that's where all the fingers point. Look at any kingdom in Thedas.
- Varric: You've got people who warm thrones, and people nobody sees who do the real work.
- Carver: And my sister is a queen in this scenario. Perfect. [If Hawke is female.]
- Carver: So my brother is a king now? Just what he needs. [If Hawke is male.]
- Varric: Point. Missing it. Oh well.
- Carver: Varric.
- Varric: Carver.
- Carver: Still think you're helping while burying us in debt to your brother?
- Varric: Still riding side-saddle while bitching at your betters?
- Carver: Drinks later?
- Varric: Never miss'em.
Varric and Fenris
- Fenris: I thought all dwarves had beards. Where's yours?
- Varric: I misplaced it, along with my sense of dwarven pride and my gold-plated noble caste pin.
- Fenris: I thought maybe it fell onto your chest.
- Varric: Oh-ho! The broody elf tells a joke!
- Fenris: I don't brood.
- Varric: Friend, if your brooding were any more impressive, women would swoon as you passed. They'd have broody babies in your honor.
- Fenris: You're a very odd dwarf.
- Varric: And you thought I was joking about the pin.
- Varric: So, Elf. That thing you do with your hand...
- Fenris: I can already tell this isn't going anywhere pleasant.
- Varric: I bet that makes pickpocketing easier.
- Fenris: I'll try it some time and find out.
- Varric: So where's your beard, Elf?
- Fenris: Elves don't grow beards.
- Varric: Huh. I thought maybe you'd shaved it off in a fit of broody pique.
- Fenris: So you're a funny dwarf.
- Varric: Is brooding a sport in Tevinter? Do they hold competitions? Hand out trophies for the best scowls?
- Fenris: I'm not "brooding."
- Varric: Moping, then. You seem like you're a champion at it.
- Fenris: I'm perfectly content at the moment.
- Varric: Oh, so that's you smiling? Glad you clarified that. I'd never have known.
- Varric: You know, if you need advice on how to lay low I can give you some.
- Fenris: Being short would make for an excellent start, I suspect.
- Varric: Keep that up, serah, and you can keep on hiding like a rank amateur.
- Fenris: What would you suggest, Varric? Cower in the shadows like a rat?
- Varric: You could try wearing something that didn’t scream: "I hate you all! I was a slave!"
- Fenris: The markings would still show.
- Varric: Really? Through anything? That’s... kind of cool.
- Varric: You really ought to take that offer, Elf. It would keep the Coterie off your back pretty much permanently.
- Fenris: I don’t need employment.
- Varric: But it wouldn’t kill you to make some friends in this city. Three years, and you’re practically a ghost.
- Fenris: I prefer it that way.
- Varric: Healthy attitude there. Forget I said anything.
- Varric: So what do you do in that gigantic house all day?
- Fenris: Dance, of course.
- Varric: Really?
- Fenris: I run from room to room, choreographing routines.
- Varric: You're actually joking. Alert the Chantry! They need to put this on the calendar!
- Fenris: And you thought I was always serious.
If you complete Family Matter
- Fenris: So you found your brother.
- Varric: I did! Wasn't expecting that.
- Fenris: I assume there was a time when you and he were friends?
- Varric: With Bartrand? No, just brothers. Occasionally he wasn't insufferable.
- Fenris: And yet you remained at his side.
- Varric: Too bad he didn't do the same.
In front of The Hanged Man:
- Fenris: I still don't get the name. Did they hang someone here?
If Isabela is in the party
- Isabela: It means being drunk.
- Varric: Actually they used to hang men there. By their feet.
- Fenris: Well, good thing they were drunk then.
- Fenris: So... who is Bianca?
- Varric: My crossbow. Say hello, Bianca.
- Fenris: But why Bianca? You must have named her after someone.
- Varric: Nope. Mirabelle was taken.
- Fenris: The way you fondle your weapon is disturbing.
- Varric: Hey! I'm a perfect gentleman. In public.
- Fenris: I notice you hardly ever comment on mages and templars and such.
- Varric: It's a lot of humans in skirts. I get them mixed up.
- Fenris: I highly doubt that. The subject comes up all the time.
- Varric: Tell me about it.
- Fenris: And no opinion? One way or the other?
- Varric: Opinions are like testicles. You kick them hard enough, doesn't matter how many you got.
- Fenris: That's... something.
- Varric: You know you still owe me five sovereigns, elf.
- Fenris: I'm good for it.
If Isabela did not leave the party
- Varric: So, you think you can win the coin from Isabela? Good luck with that.
- Varric: So, you're going to borrow it from Hawke?
- Varric: Coming to the Hanged Man for Wicked Grace later?
- Fenris: Never miss it.
If Hawke romanced Fenris
- Varric: So...you and Hawke?
- Fenris: What about us?
If Hawke is female
- Varric: Want to make sure I get all the details right when I tell the story. Did you sweep her off her feet or was it the other way around?
If Hawke is male
- Varric: Want to make sure I get all the details right when I tell this story. Did he sweep you off your feet? I'm assuming he did the sweeping. He's taller than you. Awkward, otherwise.
- Fenris: I'm not telling you anything but this: There was no actual sweeping involved.
- Varric: Every little bit helps, elf.
- Varric: You, elf, are one lucky son-of-a-bitch.
- Fenris: Is this about the diamondback game? Again?
- Varric: I've never seen anyone bluff like that in my life! I was sure you had a hand full of nothing.
- Fenris: So was I. You're the one who pointed out I had four serpents.
- Varric: See? Luckiest bastard I've ever seen.
- Fenris: So, Varric, this "spy network" of yours...
- Varric: Oh, this I have to hear.
- Fenris: You don't have one, do you? You make it all up.
- Varric: Could be. That, or I have an army of elven urchins, and they're all watching.
- Fenris: You are a strange, hairy little man.
If neither Isabela or Fenris are in a romance with Hawke:
- Varric: So, elf, what's this I've been hearing about you and the Rivaini?
- Fenris: None of your business, dwarf.
- Varric: Just be careful. I get the impression that Isabela's breakups turn into bloodbaths.
- Fenris: That's part of the fun.
Varric and Isabela
- Varric: I shit you not, Rivaini, it was this big.
- Isabela: There's no way. Impossible! I've had hundreds of those in my hands, and they're never that size.
- Varric: Would I lie about something so critical?
Next line is dependent on third party member
- Anders: I can't stand it anymore—what are you two talking about?
- Aveline: I'm afraid to ask, but... what are you two going on about?
- Carver: What is wrong with you two? Can't you ever have a conversation that isn't dirty?
- Hawke: What are you two talking about?
- Varric: We're discussing knives, of course. Well, daggers, technically. I never remember the difference.
- Varric: Why? What did you think we were talking about?
- Varric: Rivaini, stop looking at my chest. My eyes are up here.
- Isabela: But the chest hair...
- Varric: Do you know how much I suffer under your gaze? I am a person, not an object!
- Isabela: Uh, Varric?
- Varric: (Laughs) Just shitting you.
- Varric: You know, Rivaini, you promised me you'd tell me how your ship wrecked.
- Isabela: I was drunk. I thought the reefs around the Wounded Coast were made of candy.
- Varric: Oh, come on.
- Isabela: And a demon told me to do it. It bet me sixty sovereigns and a bottle of port.
- Isabela: You're not the only one here who can bullshit, you know.
- Varric: I'll let you run your fingers through it, if you want.
- Isabela: Your chest hair? My fingers? Oh, Varric, stop! You're making me quiver.
- Varric: You know you want to.
- Isabela: Oh, I do... I can't resist you. No woman can.
- Varric: I know. It's a terrible burden.
- Varric: Were you listening to that guy in the Hanged Man last night?
- Isabela: "Your eyes are like bumblebees, flying into the window of my soul." (Laughs)
- Varric: My favorite was, "Your lips are like the wings of sparrows. Red ones. With no feathers."
- Isabela: "Oh, speak! And send the plucked wings of your lips soaring."
- Varric: I'd buy the guy a drink, but I don't think he needs one.
- Varric: You have got to tell me what was in that box, Ravaini.
- Isabela: Which box? I've opened so many...
- Varric: Well, those too. But later. Right now: that Qunari relic.
- Isabela: I'll make you a deal: I'll tell you what was in that box if you tell me how Bianca got her name.
- Varric: Fine, forget I asked. Evil woman.
- Isabela: Come to me, and I'll take you to places you've never been...
- Varric: Isabela... Are you talking to Bianca?
- Isabela: I think she deserves to feel a woman's touch on her trigger, don't you?
- Varric: Bianca responds to my touch. She'd never give it up for you.
- Isabela: That's what they always say, and I always prove them wrong.
- Varric: Stop it. You're confusing her. And me.
If you complete The Long Road
- Isabela: Psst. I've got some of it written down now.
- Varric: Give it here.
- Varric: "Her breasts strained against the leather jerkin like two wild stallions corralled against their will." (Chuckles)
- Varric: "She pounced—the smooth moves of a jungle cat—and locked her thighs around Donnic's waist. He—"
If Aveline is in the party:
- Aveline: What?
- Isabela: Nothing.
- Aveline: What is that?
- Isabela: Shh! (Giggles)
- Varric: Isabela just thought she'd celebrate your love affair with a... written dedication.
- Isabela: It's "friend-fiction!" I do it out of love.
- Aveline: I will never, ever be clean again.
- Isabela: Maybe you should read the rest of it in private.
- Varric: I think that's best.
- Isabela: Varric, how does one get made a Paragon?
- Varric: The Assembly votes on it. Enough votes, and—BAM!—you're a living God!
- Isabela: You should ask to be made a Paragon. Of manliness.
- Varric: I like the way you think, Rivaini, but one doesn't just ask to be made a Paragon.
- Isabela: Why not? Everyone can see you're a paragon of manliness. It's just a matter of making it official.
- Varric: After all this, the life of a pirate is going to be dull, isn't it?
- Isabela: I know! I'll have to steal myself another Qunari relic.
- Varric: The scary thing is, I don't know if you're joking!
- Isabela: Of course I'm joking. I'm not getting involved with those people again.
- Isabela: No... this time, I'll steal the Queen of Antiva. There's no way that could go wrong.
If Hawke romances Merrill
- Varric: So, Hawke and Daisy.
- Isabela: I think they're darling together.
- Varric: It's almost too adorable. Well, except for the evil blood magic thing.
- Isabela: The most evil thing Merrill does most days is pick the flowers out of other people's gardens.
- Varric: I know, I have to bribe most of the gardeners in Hightown to keep it quiet.
During The Last Straw after choosing sides
- Varric: Just curious, does any of this make sense to you?
- Isabela: What? This whole "everyone's waiting for the world to end" thing?
- Varric: Yeah, that.
- Isabela: Not remotely.
- Varric: Good. It's not just me, then.
Varric and Merrill
- Merrill: I've never met a dwarf before.
- Varric: That's because you spend too much time frolicking in the woods, Daisy. Dwarves don't frolic.
- Merrill: Dalish don't really frolic, either. Not in the woods anyway.
- Varric: You have sanctioned frolicking areas?
- Merrill: No, just not in the woods. The trees get jealous.
- Varric: But you do frolic?
- Merrill: Of course we do! We wouldn't be elves, otherwise.
- Merrill: You remind me of Hahren Paivel, Varric. Only younger. And shorter. And not as serious.
- Varric: So it's a close resemblance, then.
- Merrill: Well, he tells stories. And you tell stories. Although none of his begin, "No shit, there I was."
- Varric: I'll have to give him some better stories, then.
After you speak to Merrill in her home for the first time
- Merrill: Thank you very much for the help earlier, Varric!
- Varric: You made it back to the Alienage in one piece, then?
- Merrill: I don't know how I wound up in Darktown. There are just too many corners in Kirkwall.
- Varric: Still got that ball of twine?
- Merrill: I left it at my house. Don't worry! I won't get lost while we're following Hawke.
- Varric: Bring it next time, Daisy. Just in case.
- Varric: Daisy, for my sake, please quit cutting through the alleys in Lowtown at night.
- Merrill: Nothing ever happens. I'm perfectly safe, Varric.
- Varric: Yes, I know. And that nothing is costing me a fortune.
- Varric: So, I hear you've been visiting the viscount's garden, Daisy.
- Merrill: They're enormous! And they're always empty. Why don't more people go to see them?
- Varric: Probably because they're private and surrounded by guards.
- Merrill: I thought all those men looked a bit cross.
- Merrill: Bianca is a very pretty name.
- Varric: I'll tell her you said so, Daisy.
- Merrill: She can't actually hear you, can she?
- Varric: Of course she can. What kind of a question is that?
- Merrill: Wait, are we talking about your crossbow or something else now?
If you complete Family Matter:
- Merrill: I'm sorry about your brother, Varric. Have you any other family?
- Varric: (Snorts) I have family like a rat has fleas, Daisy.
- Merrill: Does that mean you have a lot of family, or that they make you itch alot?
- Varric: Both.
- Varric: I'm sure any priest who would pray for Bartrand would burst into flames.
- Merrill: Oh, I didn't know priesthood was so dangerous.
- Varric: Don't worry Daisy, the chantry keeps a lot of water on hand.
If you complete Mirror Image
- Varric: Why a mirror?
- Merrill: I don't understand the question.
- Varric: If your people were going to make a magical whatever for talking to each other, why choose a mirror?
- Varric: Do elves spend a lot of time talking to their own reflections?
- Merrill: I suppose the ancient elves would have felt silly talking to a wardrobe or an urn.
- Merrill: You should have this back.
- Varric: Twine? When did I loan you a ball of twine?
- Merrill: You gave it to me when I first moved here when I kept getting lost in Lowtown.
- Merrill: It drove the merchants in the market completely batty, but it did help me find my way.
- Varric: Keep it, Daisy.
- Merrill: I don't think I'll be getting lost again anytime soon.
- Varric: You never know. You might need to tie a package up, hang a lantern, dress a roast chicken. It's multipurpose.
- Merrill: Is there a story behind Bianca?
- Varric: There's a story behind everything, Daisy.
- Merrill: So tell me!
- Varric: I can't.
- Merrill: Why not?
- Varric: There was a girl, and I made a promise. Bianca is the only story I can never tell.
- Merrill: You can't say that! Now I want to know even more!
- Varric: That was the idea, Daisy.
During A New Path
- Varric: Does anybody else get the feeling that this is going to end badly? Just me huh?
- Merrill: It's not all bad Varric, think of the stories you'll be able to tell later.
- Varric: No offense Daisy, but I could live without telling anyone that we murdered you on some mountain side, it's little hard to made that one sound good.
During A New Path
- Varric: Who thought putting a demon in a cave on Sundermount was a good idea in the first place?
- Merrill: Where would you have put him?
- Varric: Tevinter maybe? Or in the Anderfels? Further away from Kirkwall that's for sure.
During The Last Straw after choosing sides
- Merrill: Varric, how does the story end?
- Varric: Which story, Daisy?
- Merrill: The big one. With us and Hawke, the Mages and Templars. Everything.
- Varric: You want to know before it happens? You're not worried about spoiling the surprise?
- Merrill: I might not see it end.
- Varric: You have to stick with us if you want to find out how it turns out, Daisy.
Varric and Sebastian
- Sebastian: It's been very exciting working with Hawke.
- Varric: Are you for real?
If Hawke is male:
- Sebastian: It seems like he's involved every time there's a crisis in Kirkwall.
If Hawke is female:
- Sebastian: It seems like she's involved every time something goes wrong in Kirkwall.
- Sebastian: I've never had so many opportunities to help people!
- Varric: All right. I thought I was getting tired of moody. I take it back.
- Varric: You're making my teeth ache.
- Varric: So, Choir Boy, this usurper of yours is... twenty feet tall?
- Sebastian: Not even close, no.
- Varric: But he has claws for hands, right?
- Sebastian: Fingers. Perfectly normal ones. If a little fat, perhaps.
- Varric: He eats babies, though. And farts fire.
- Sebastian: You're not serious, I hope.
- Varric: You can't even pretend to be interesting, can you?
- Sebastian: You must forgive your brother.
- Varric: While you were off playing prince, Bartrand trapped us in the Deep Roads and left us to die.
- Sebastian: When you hold onto anger, it colors everything you do.
- Sebastian: You escaped the Deep Roads. You built a life without your brother. Do you still want him haunting you?
- Varric: Oh, go find some beggars to sing to, will you?
- Varric: Tell us about Starkhaven, Choir Boy. I'm sure we're all burning with curiosity about your far-away land.
- Sebastian: "My far-away land?" It's inland Free Marches, not on the moon.
- Varric: And here I was hoping...
- Sebastian: It's a lot like here. But fewer dead people.
- Varric: Well, you don't have Hawke.
- Varric: I've heard rumors about Starkhaven, you know.
- Varric: They say you eat the dead up there. And murder strangers in the street.
- Sebastian: Why do I suspect that when you say you've "heard" rumors, you mean you've invented some?
- Varric: Six of one, half-dozen of another.
- Varric: You know, Choir Boy, I wouldn't normally say this, but—the shiny white armor? It works for you.
- Sebastian: That's uncharacteristically kind of you, Varric.
- Varric: Makes you look like a lacquered pilot whale.
- Sebastian: Ah, now that was much more in-character.
- Sebastian: You know, if you have time, I could give you a few archery pointers.
- Varric: Excuse me?
- Sebastian: Sometimes your shots veer a little left, I thought maybe your cocking ring was off.
- Sebastian: I could take a look if you like.
- Varric: You want to touch Bianca's cocking ring?
- Sebastian: It was just a thought.
- Varric: So, I've known you for three years now. I give up. You beat me. What is it?
- Varric: You like boys? Sheep? You slept with your sister?
- Sebastian: What are you talking about?
- Varric: What are you hiding? Nobody's this bloody clean.
- Varric: After you leave the chantry you... get drunk at the Hanged Man and walk around in women's clothes?
If Isabela is in the party:
- Isabela: Not that I've seen. Unfortunately.
- Sebastian: I've been honest with you and Hawke.
- Varric: Liar.
- Sebastian: Lying is a sin.