Varric's remarks

(upon entering The Hanged Man for the first time)

  • Talkative Man: That man over there. He's been staring at me for an entire hour. I counted.
  • Varric: Maybe he likes you.
  • Talkative Man: No. He knows. He knows that I know. But what he does not know is that I know that he knows that I know.
  • Varric: How do you know that he doesn't know that you know that he knows that you know, you know?
  • Talkative Man: What?
  • Varric: Exactly.
  • Freelance prostitute outside The Blooming Rose: Varric! I haven't seen you in ages! When are you going to introduce me to more of your friends?
  • (entering The Blooming Rose) Madame Lusine runs this place for Harlan. Or with him. Or on him. It's a Coterie thing.
  • (passing by the Wounded Coast lookout point) Water. Pretty exciting, I know.
  • (entering the Bones Pit) Hubert's miners must be a desperate lot to work here.
  • (entering Hightown market) I spend way too much time here.
  • (arriving at the Docks) Can we skip the Gallows? I've had my oppression for the day, thanks.
  • (after getting unconscious) Dear Varric, please learn to parry. Your innards. Ouch!

Location comments


  • (Lowtown, day) Despite the name, Lowtown's not so bad. Just... more likely to be destroyed by tidal waves than Hightown.
  • (Lowtown, night) A lot of people are afraid to come here at night. I don't know why. The thieves will still shoot you in daylight.
  • (Hightown, day) Ah, Hightown. Where the rich go to piss their money away. This really is the best place in Kirkwall.
  • (Hightown, day) Keep a hand on your coin, Hawke. There are more cutpurses in Hightown than in rest of the city combined.
  • (Hightown, night) It's pretty here at night. Once the nobles are out of the way, you can really admire the scenery.
  • (The Docks, day) Bartrand likes to make me deal with the harbormaster. That man always smells like cod liver oil.
  • (The Docks, night) Have I mentioned that dwarves are lousy swimmers? Just... keep that in mind before you talk to any drunk sailors.
  • (The Darktown) You know what I love about the Undercity? Absolutely nothing.
  • (The Hanged Man) If you try any of the beer nuts, make sure they aren't moving first.
  • (The Hanged Man) Want a drink? I'll put it on my tab.
  • (The Hanged Man) This is the best place to listen to gossip in Kirkwall.
  • (The Blooming Rose) This place reminds me way too much of the Merchants Guild.
  • (The Viscount Keep) I don't know what the ancient Tevinters used this place for, but I bet it wasn't "making people feel at home".
  • (The Chantry) I've always kind of liked this place. It's like a building full of sweet old grandmothers.
  • (Sundermount) Oh hey, nature. I've heard about this. Thought it was just a rumor.
  • (The Wounded Coast) This is, beyond a doubt, the most wretched place I've ever been. The sooner we get back to Kirkwall, the better.
  • (The Bone Pits) I've lived all my life in Kirkwall, and until now, I've managed to avoid coming here. Wish I'd kept that up.
  • (The Deep Roads) I will not be sorry to see daylight again.
  • (The Deep Roads) I am getting truly sick of looking at stalagmites. Or are they stalactites? Shit, I don't know.
  • (The Deep Roads) Andraste's ass, dwarves actually live down here? On purpose? What in blazes for?


  • (Lowtown, night) You know who I don't want to meet in a Lowtown alley at night? Pretty much anyone.
  • (Hightown, day) Don't make eye contact with dwarf merchants here. I've skipped the last five guild meetings.
  • (Hightown, night) I've heard the nobles grousing about the commoners moving up. Congratulation, Hawke! You ruined the neighborhood!
  • (The Docks, day) What is this smell? Why does this place always smell?
  • (The Docks, night) This place rivals the Undercity for "worst part of Kirkwall".
  • (Darktown) This is some of the most expensive real estate in Kirkwall. Usually paid for in body parts.
  • (The Hanged Man) If you want a drink, order it from Corff. In three years, Norah has never gotten my order right.
  • (The Hanged Man) This is the best tavern in Kirkwall. It could use some cute dwarven serving girls, but otherwise, it's perfect.
  • (The Viscount Keep) How many servants do you think it takes to clean rafters in this place?
  • (The Chantry) You know, I think the Chant of Light would be more popular if it had more battles in it. Just a hunch.
  • (Sundermount) This outdoor thing is growing on me. Like a tumor.
  • (The Bone Pits) This place gives me the creeps. It's probably the name. They should call it "the pie fields". Everyone likes pie.


  • (Lowtown, day) I got used to this placed being filled with oxmen. It's strange not seeing them around.
  • (Lowtown, night) What is this smell? I think someone's murdered an elf in the alley. Watch your step.
  • (Hightown, night) All the most interesting things in Kirkwall happen in Hightown after dark. True story.
  • (The Docks, day) Great, it reminds me that I have five shipping manifests to look over when I get home.
  • (The Docks, night) I don't care what people say, the sound of waves is not soothing.
  • (Darktown) And this is still the rankiest pit in Thedas. Never changes.
  • (The Hanged Man) If you want to see something funny, flirt with Edwina. Go on, I dare you.
  • (The Hanged Man) My palatial suite in the Hanged Man is your palatial suite, Hawke. Make yourself at home.
  • (The Hanged Man) Did I pay my tab this month? Ah, I'll sort it out later.
  • (The Viscount Keep) After what happened here, I can't imagine anyone's eager to move into the viscount palace.
  • (The Chantry) The grand cleric reminds me of my mother. A really tall version of Mother. With a nicer hat.
  • (The Wounded Coast) We're surrounded by nothing for as as the eye can see. Why do we keep coming here?

Varric and Hawke


At the beginning of the quest Repentance:

  • Sebastian: I-- Hawke! We were just talking about you.
  • Hawke: Carry on. I love to eavesdrop.
  • Varric: "Hawke said sarcastically."

If the aggressive option was chosen

  • Varric: "Hawke said aggressively."
  • Hawke: You know I hate it when you do that.
  • Varric: "Hawke muttered in an angry aside to the dwarf..."


Inside the Hawke Estate, must have Dog

  • Varric: You know, you play diamondback better than my cousin Vidar. (To Dog)
  • Varric: You wag your tail whenever you have a good hand, though. Might want to watch that.
  • Dog: (Barks)
  • Hawke: Is it brilliant or horrible that you play diamondback with my dog? (humorous) / It's a short tail. I'm sure nobody notices. (diplomatic) / He doesn't take well to having his flaws pointed out. (aggressive)
  • Varric: All I'm saying is, he'd be up more than two sovereigns if he watched his tells.
  • Varric: My Uncle Emmet has a whole pack of rat terriers who play every week.
  • Varric: They're a cutthroat bunch. You've got a long way to go to be their quality.
  • Dog: (Growls)
  • Varric: Now don't take it bad—you're still better than Anders.
  • Dog: (Happy bark!)
  • Varric: Coming to the Hanged Man later?
  • Dog: (Barks)

Varric and Anders


  • Anders: What?
  • Varric: Just wondering if the feathered pauldrons are an essential part of the moody rebel mage persona.
  • Anders: What are you talking about?
  • Varric: I'm working on an epic poem about a hopelessly romantic apostate waging an epic struggle against forces he can't possibly defeat.
  • Anders: What do you mean, “can't possibly defeat?”
  • Varric: Well, it's not a good story unless the hero dies.
  • Anders: I've always wondered, why is every surface dwarf a merchant or a smith?
  • Varric: You left out criminals and hired muscle.
  • Anders: They don't count.
  • Varric: We dwarves are drawn to shiny objects. Sort of like Magpies, but with business sense.
  • Anders: You're kidding.
  • Varric: Of course I am. We come to the surface with the skills our ancestors had, Blondie.
  • Varric: You think there's a tradition of dwarf woodcutters in Orzammar? Bee keepers? Sailors?
  • Anders: Well, there could be mushroom growers and nug wranglers.
  • Varric: Orzammar will never let those people go topside. Too vital. Also, embarrassing.
  • Varric: So a human, an elf, and a dwarf walk into a bar...
  • Anders: The human says, "You're lucky you're so short. That hurt like mad!"
  • Varric: You could have just stopped me, Blondie.
  • Anders: Why waste a perfectly good set-up?


  • Anders: Boiling in oil.
  • Varric: Too prosaic. Trapped in a cave with hungry bears, right at the spring thaw.
  • Anders: That lets him off too easy. Dipped in molten gold and left as a statue in the Viscount's Keep.
  • Varric: Ooh. That's poetic!
  • Hawke: What are you two talking about?
  • Varric: What to do to Bartrand when I find him.
  • Anders: Any suggestions?
  • Varric: Blondie, I don't mean to sound critical, but have you considered a new line of work?
  • Anders: Such as?
  • Varric: Pretty much anything? I don't think "renegade mage" has a bright future. Or any retirement plan.
  • Varric: If you've got something to say, just spit it out.
  • Anders: Are you sure you want to encourage me? I might be about to confess my undying love
  • Varric: I get that a lot. So what's on your mind?
  • Anders: I just realized it's been a while since any of the gangs in the Undercity came to my door.
  • Varric: They're busy people. Places to go, throats to cut. Maybe you've slipped their minds.
  • Anders: Right. The apostate running the free clinic in the sewers. Easy to forget. You didn't have anything to do with this?
  • Varric: You must have me confused with someone else! I'm just a businessman and a storyteller.

If you complete Dissent

  • Varric: Oh, cheer up, Blondie. You're making me cry just looking at you.
  • Anders: Don't.
  • Varric: You made a mistake. It happens.
  • Anders: I almost killed a girl.
  • Varric: You've killed two-hundred and fifty-four by my last count. Plus about five hundred men, a few dozen giant spiders, and at least two demons.
  • Anders: It's not the same.
  • Varric: Why? Because this one you feel bad about? Maybe that's the problem.


  • Varric: So, three templars walk into a tavern.
  • Anders: Not right now, Varric.
  • Varric: You feeling all right, Blondie? You're always in the mood for templar jokes.
  • Varric: So, the knight-commander... Boiling in oil? That one never gets old.
  • Anders: This is past time for joking.
  • Varric: I'm helping you indulge in elaborate revenge fantasies. I think it's good for you.
  • Anders: Meredith will die. Do not doubt that.
  • Varric: Go away, Justice. Can Anders come out and play?
  • Anders: Stop.
  • Varric: You are no fun anymore.
  • Varric: You've been glowering for days. Your face is going to get stuck that way.
  • Anders: My face is the least of my concerns right now.
  • Varric: That's because you don't have to look at it.
  • Varric: If you could see it from this angle, Blondie, it'd be at least a close second on your priority list.

If Hawke romances Anders

  • Anders: You're giving me that look again. What are you writing this time?
  • Varric: So, you and Hawke... I need some details. Did you go down on one knee? Did he/she jump you? Did you swear eternal vows of love, or is this just a physical thing?
  • Anders: I don't see how that's any of your business.
  • Varric: Fine, but if you don't tell me, I'm just going to have to make it up.

Varric and Aveline


  • Aveline: Varric, do you do anything?
  • Varric: Am I the next stop in your career evaluations? Joy of joys.
  • Aveline: You watch and you talk. Is that it?
  • Varric: You are dismissing hallmarks of both the utterly ineffectual and the incredibly dangerous.
  • Aveline: I don't know what you mean.
  • Varric: It means coins flow when I talk and when I shut up. Like if you got paid to guard or unguard.
  • Aveline: That makes no sense.
  • Varric: Good.
  • Aveline: Maybe I should put you to use Varric. Have you pen some warnings for the lawless.
  • Varric: Who's that for? Are most criminals big readers? Seems like pacifying the nobles.
  • Aveline: Pictures then. It was just a suggestion.
  • Varric: Well how about a giant sign that just says "Don't." You could hit people with it.
  • Aveline: Thank you, I get the point.
  • Varric: A Fereldan in the guard. What will they think of next?
  • Aveline: You have a problem with that?
  • Varric: Me? My family's not native either. I'm just surprised. Lots of old prejudice in the guard.
  • Aveline: I'll give them plenty of reason to change their minds.
  • Varric: You know, it's possible they're just scared shitless of you. That's my theory, anyway.
  • Varric: So what do you do, Aveline?
  • Aveline: You know I'm a guard, why are you asking?
  • Varric: I mean in your off-duty hours. For fun. You've heard of it, I hope?
  • Aveline: These are my off-duty hours.
  • Varric: And the trend of you scaring the piss out of me continues.


  • Aveline: Blondie, Sunshine, Daisy, Rivaini... What am I?
  • Varric: Beg your pardon?
  • Aveline: You don't call anyone by name except for me. Where's my nickname?
  • Varric: That's not true. There's Hawke. And Bianca.
  • Aveline: "Hawke" is a family name and Bianca is a crossbow. Don't change the subject.
  • Varric: Haven't thought of a good one yet. What do you think of "Red?"
  • Aveline: Too common.
  • Varric: Well, when you think of one, let me know.
  • Aveline: You, Varric, have a very large mouth.
  • Varric: And here I've always looked up to you. What is it now?
  • Aveline: There were fistfights in the barracks over who is the model for your guard serial.
  • Varric: Hard in Hightown. Riveting stuff. Everyone loves a dirty guard on the edge.
  • Aveline: Varric.
  • Varric: Fine. I'll start his big finish. Three chapters until Donnen Brennicovick retires and opens a tavern on the coast.
  • Varric: I sure hope he makes it. He's getting too old for this shit.
  • Aveline: You are very close to losing your printing blocks, Varric.
  • Varric: Once more I am falsely accused of whatever it is that I am accused of. Falsely.
  • Aveline: Someone swapped the text of my recruitment poster with some filth from the Blooming Rose.
  • Varric: That does sound pretty good.
  • Aveline: Sure, fill barracks with whores. But you've also filled the Rose with guards.
  • Varric: It is true what they say. The best comedy comes from tragedy.
  • Aveline: You know the Tethras family businesses are registered in your cousin Elmand's name?
  • Varric: You don't say?
  • Aveline: But I can't find any record of you having a cousin Elmand.
  • Varric: I'll introduce you some time. He's a little on the shy side.
  • Aveline: Varric. He's imaginary.
  • Varric: Which makes him a much better head of the household than I am. He never misses the Merchants Guild meetings, for one.


  • Aveline: You're too quiet, Varric.
  • Varric: I'm thinking of switching to romances. Nothing? Not even a foreboding frown?

Only if The Long Road has been completed:

  • Aveline: I am content. Write what you will.
  • Varric: Well that certainly takes the fun out of it. Contentment in the barracks? Who'll pay to hear that shit?
  • Aveline: Then I should have thought of it years ago.


  • Aveline: Do what you will. I don't care.
  • Varric: That is... not a comforting thought.
  • Aveline: It is what it is. I'm used to it.
  • Varric: I think we've both lost some inspiration.
  • Aveline: Why are you still here, Varric?
  • Varric: Starkhaven's too pretentious for me and Cumberland's too boring.
  • Aveline: You always say you hate commitment, but here you are, six years later, still at Hawke's side.
  • Varric: Aveline, I thought you'd have noticed by now: I lie a lot.
  • Aveline: Strange, I always thought I'd wind up arresting you some day.
  • Varric: If I ever decide to get caught, Aveline, you'll be the guard I let catch me.
  • Aveline: "Let catch you?"
  • Varric: "Decide to get caught" didn't trip you up though. Good to know!
  • Aveline: How are you at finales, Varric?
  • Varric: I expecting some practical experience fairly soon.
  • Aveline: Make it a good one, will you?
  • Varric: For you, madam, endless sunsets and roses.
  • Aveline: Varric.
  • Varric: And the swift hand of the law sweeping all aside. I thought it went unsaid.

Varric and Bethany

  • Bethany: You don't seem to like your brother very much.
  • Varric: And here I thought it took blood magic to read minds.
  • Bethany: I had a twin brother, Carver. He used to nail my braid to the bed while I was sleeping.
  • Bethany: I never thought I'd miss him this much.
  • Varric: Sorry about your brother.
  • Varric: Hey, you want mine? I've got a spare...
  • Bethany: Do you ever wish you lived in Orzammar?
  • Varric: Great Ancestors, no! You know what Orzammar is?
  • Varric: It's cramped tunnels, filled with nug-shit and body-odor.
  • Varric: And every person there thinks he's better than you because his great-great-great grandfather made a water-clock or something.
  • Bethany: But they're your people. Don't you even wonder what it would be like?
  • Varric: I have a good imagination. Why would I waste it on that?
  • Bethany: Are you really not afraid of apostates? Not even a little?
  • Varric: Sunshine, I'm a dwarf. In case you missed that detail.
  • Bethany: Dwarves aren't completely immune to magic, you know.
  • Varric: No, no, no! I meant there are at least thirty people in this town who'd murder my family over trade deals.
  • Varric: Who has time to worry about apostates with a Merchant's Guild breathing down your neck?
  • Bethany: In that case... I see.
  • Bethany: Your family used to be noble, right?
  • Varric: By some definition of the term.
  • Bethany: Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like, if you were still nobles?
  • Varric: Sunshine, nobility is just an expensive lifestyle. I've already got one of those.
  • Bethany: Nobles have power, too. And responsibilities.
  • Varric: Estates, servants, investments, mercenaries, assassins? We've still got all those things.
  • Varric: It's sunnier here, and nobody calls me my lord. I think I can live with that.

Only if Birthright has been completed:

  • Varric: So... Milady Sunshine, what's your first act of noblewoman going to be?
  • Bethany: A noblewoman with no fortune and no title? Looking for work, probably.
  • Varric: Practicality is for peasants, my lady. You need to do something frivolous to celebrate your birthright.
  • Bethany: Such as...?
  • Varric: Come up to the Hightown Market and complain bitterly that there's no Orlesian silk that matches your eyes.
  • Bethany: But what if something does match my eyes? What will I do, then?
  • Varric: Insist that they're blatantly copying you, and demand royalties. A good noble always has a complaint ready, Sunshine.

Varric and Carver

  • Varric: You know, Junior, it's eerie how much of a resemblance there is between you two.
  • Carver: She's my sister, of course there's a resemblance. [If Hawke is female.]
  • Carver: We're brothers, what's eerie about that? [If Hawke is male.]
  • Varric: Ooh, you thought I meant Hawke. I was talking about Gamlen.
  • Carver: Maker, I hate you dwarf.
  • Carver: Don't look at me.
  • Varric: What's the problem, little Hawke?
  • Carver: Don't call me...just don't alright? You're just looking for fodder for your stories.
  • Varric: You think you're that interesting?
  • Carver: I have enough trouble being overshadowed as it is. I don't need to get caught under an imaginary me, too.
  • Varric: Don't you worry. I'm not in the business of lullabies or children's stories.
  • Carver: I'm surprised these tunnels don't simply collapse.
  • Varric: Dwarves made them.
  • Carver: Then I'm surprised they're not smaller.
  • Varric: You know, Junior, you're looking at this all wrong.
  • Carver: Whatever it is you're about to say, I'm not interested.
  • Varric: I'm a professional younger brother. Trust me, the center of attention's the worst place to be.
  • Varric: When things go wrong, and they always do, that's where all the fingers point. Look at any kingdom in Thedas.
  • Varric: You've got people who warm thrones, and people nobody sees who do the real work.
  • Carver: And my sister is a queen in this scenario. Perfect. [If Hawke is female.]
  • Carver: So my brother is a king now? Just what he needs. [If Hawke is male.]
  • Varric: Point. Missing it. Oh well.
  • Carver: Varric.
  • Varric: Carver.
  • Carver: Still think you're helping while burying us in debt to your brother?
  • Varric: Still riding side-saddle while bitching at your betters?
  • Carver: Drinks later?
  • Varric: Never miss'em.

Varric and Fenris


  • Fenris: I thought all dwarves had beards. Where's yours?
  • Varric: I misplaced it, along with my sense of dwarven pride and my gold-plated noble caste pin.
  • Fenris: I thought maybe it fell onto your chest.
  • Varric: Oh-ho! The broody elf tells a joke!
  • Fenris: I don't brood.
  • Varric: Friend, if your brooding were any more impressive, women would swoon as you passed. They'd have broody babies in your honor.
  • Fenris: You're a very odd dwarf.
  • Varric: And you thought I was joking about the pin.
  • Varric: So, Elf. That thing you do with your hand...
  • Fenris: I can already tell this isn't going anywhere pleasant.
  • Varric: I bet that makes pickpocketing easier.
  • Fenris: I'll try it some time and find out.
  • Varric: So where's your beard, Elf?
  • Fenris: Elves don't grow beards.
  • Varric: Huh. I thought maybe you'd shaved it off in a fit of broody pique.
  • Fenris: So you're a funny dwarf.
  • Varric: Is brooding a sport in Tevinter? Do they hold competitions? Hand out trophies for the best scowls?
  • Fenris: I'm not "brooding."
  • Varric: Moping, then. You seem like you're a champion at it.
  • Fenris: I'm perfectly content at the moment.
  • Varric: Oh, so that's you smiling? Glad you clarified that. I'd never have known.


  • Varric: You know, if you need advice on how to lay low I can give you some.
  • Fenris: Being short would make for an excellent start, I suspect.
  • Varric: Keep that up, serah, and you can keep on hiding like a rank amateur.
  • Fenris: What would you suggest, Varric? Cower in the shadows like a rat?
  • Varric: You could try wearing something that didn’t scream: "I hate you all! I was a slave!"
  • Fenris: The markings would still show.
  • Varric: Really? Through anything? That’s... kind of cool.
  • Varric: You really ought to take that offer, Elf. It would keep the Coterie off your back pretty much permanently.
  • Fenris: I don’t need employment.
  • Varric: But it wouldn’t kill you to make some friends in this city. Three years, and you’re practically a ghost.
  • Fenris: I prefer it that way.
  • Varric: Healthy attitude there. Forget I said anything.
  • Varric: So what do you do in that gigantic house all day?
  • Fenris: Dance, of course.
  • Varric: Really?
  • Fenris: I run from room to room, choreographing routines.
  • Varric: You're actually joking. Alert the Chantry! They need to put this on the calendar!
  • Fenris: And you thought I was always serious.

If you complete Family Matter

  • Fenris: So you found your brother.
  • Varric: I did! Wasn't expecting that.
  • Fenris: I assume there was a time when you and he were friends?
  • Varric: With Bartrand? No, just brothers. Occasionally he wasn't insufferable.
  • Fenris: And yet you remained at his side.
  • Varric: Too bad he didn't do the same.

In front of The Hanged Man:

  • Fenris: I still don't get the name. Did they hang someone here?

If Isabela is in the party

  • Isabela: It means being drunk.
  • Varric: Actually they used to hang men there. By their feet.
  • Fenris: Well, good thing they were drunk then.


  • Fenris: So... who is Bianca?
  • Varric: My crossbow. Say hello, Bianca.
  • Fenris: But why Bianca? You must have named her after someone.
  • Varric: Nope. Mirabelle was taken.
  • Fenris: The way you fondle your weapon is disturbing.
  • Varric: Hey! I'm a perfect gentleman. In public.
  • Fenris: I notice you hardly ever comment on mages and templars and such.
  • Varric: It's a lot of humans in skirts. I get them mixed up.
  • Fenris: I highly doubt that. The subject comes up all the time.
  • Varric: Tell me about it.
  • Fenris: And no opinion? One way or the other?
  • Varric: Opinions are like testicles. You kick them hard enough, doesn't matter how many you got.
  • Fenris: That's... something.
  • Varric: You know you still owe me five sovereigns, elf.
  • Fenris: I'm good for it.

If Isabela did not leave the party

  • Varric: So, you think you can win the coin from Isabela? Good luck with that.


  • Varric: So, you're going to borrow it from Hawke?

  • Varric: Coming to the Hanged Man for Wicked Grace later?
  • Fenris: Never miss it.

If Hawke romanced Fenris

  • Varric: and Hawke?
  • Fenris: What about us?

If Hawke is female

  • Varric: Want to make sure I get all the details right when I tell the story. Did you sweep her off her feet or was it the other way around?

If Hawke is male

  • Varric: Want to make sure I get all the details right when I tell this story. Did he sweep you off your feet? I'm assuming he did the sweeping. He's taller than you. Awkward, otherwise.

  • Fenris: I'm not telling you anything but this: There was no actual sweeping involved.
  • Varric: Every little bit helps, elf.

If neither Isabela or Fenris are in a romance with Hawke:

  • Varric: So, elf, what's this I've been hearing about you and the Rivaini?
  • Fenris: None of your business, dwarf.
  • Varric: Just be careful. I get the impression that Isabela's breakups turn into bloodbaths.
  • Fenris: That's part of the fun.
  • Varric: You, elf, are one lucky son-of-a-bitch.

Varric and Isabela


  • Varric: I shit you not, Rivaini, it was this big.
  • Isabela: There's no way. Impossible! I've had hundreds of those in my hands, and they're never that size.
  • Varric: Would I lie about something so critical?

Next line is dependent on third party member

  • Anders: I can't stand it anymore—what are you two talking about?
  • Aveline: I'm afraid to ask, but... what are you two going on about?
  • Carver: What is wrong with you two? Can't you ever have a conversation that isn't dirty?
  • Hawke: What are you two talking about?
  • Varric: We're discussing knives, of course. Well, daggers, technically. I never remember the difference.
  • Varric: Why? What did you think we were talking about?
  • Varric: Rivaini, stop looking at my chest. My eyes are up here.
  • Isabela: But the chest hair...
  • Varric: Do you know how much I suffer under your gaze? I am a person, not an object!
  • Isabela: Uh, Varric?
  • Varric: (Laughs) Just shitting you.
  • Varric: You know, Rivaini, you promised me you'd tell me how your ship wrecked.
  • Isabela: I was drunk. I thought the reefs around the Wounded Coast were made of candy.
  • Varric: Oh, come on.
  • Isabela: And a demon told me to do it. It bet me sixty sovereigns and a bottle of port.
  • Isabela: You're not the only one here who can bullshit, you know.
  • Varric: I'll let you run your fingers through it, if you want.
  • Isabela: Your chest hair? My fingers? Oh, Varric, stop! You're making me quiver.
  • Varric: You know you want to.
  • Isabela: Oh, I do... I can't resist you. No woman can.
  • Varric: I know. It's a terrible burden.


  • Varric: Were you listening to that guy in the Hanged Man last night?
  • Isabela: "Your eyes are like bumblebees, flying into the window of my soul." (Laughs)
  • Varric: My favorite was, "Your lips are like the wings of sparrows. Red ones. With no feathers."
  • Isabela: "Oh, speak! And send the plucked wings of your lips soaring."
  • Varric: I'd buy the guy a drink, but I don't think he needs one.
  • Varric: You have got to tell me what was in that box, Ravaini.
  • Isabela: Which box? I've opened so many...
  • Varric: Well, those too. But later. Right now: that Qunari relic.
  • Isabela: I'll make you a deal: I'll tell you what was in that box if you tell me how Bianca got her name.
  • Varric: Fine, forget I asked. Evil woman.
  • Isabela: Come to me, and I'll take you to places you've never been...
  • Varric: Isabela... Are you talking to Bianca?
  • Isabela: I think she deserves to feel a woman's touch on her trigger, don't you?
  • Varric: Bianca responds to my touch. She'd never give it up for you.
  • Isabela: That's what they always say, and I always prove them wrong.
  • Varric: Stop it. You're confusing her. And me.

If you complete The Long Road

  • Isabela: Psst. I've got some of it written down now.
  • Varric: Give it here.
  • Varric: "Her breasts strained against the leather jerkin like two wild stallions corralled against their will." (Chuckles)
  • Varric: "She pounced—the smooth moves of a jungle cat—and locked her thighs around Donnic's waist. He—"

If Aveline is in the party:

  • Aveline: What?
  • Isabela: Nothing.
  • Aveline: What is that?
  • Isabela: Shh! (Giggles)
  • Varric: Isabela just thought she'd celebrate your love affair with a... written dedication.
  • Isabela: It's "friend-fiction!" I do it out of love.
  • Aveline: I will never, ever be clean again.

If not:

  • Isabela: Maybe you should read the rest of it in private.
  • Varric: I think that's best.


  • Isabela: Varric, how does one get made a Paragon?
  • Varric: The Assembly votes on it. Enough votes, and—BAM!—you're a living God!
  • Isabela: You should ask to be made a Paragon. Of manliness.
  • Varric: I like the way you think, Rivaini, but one doesn't just ask to be made a Paragon.
  • Isabela: Why not? Everyone can see you're a paragon of manliness. It's just a matter of making it official.
  • Varric: After all this, the life of a pirate is going to be dull, isn't it?
  • Isabela: I know! I'll have to steal myself another Qunari relic.
  • Varric: The scary thing is, I don't know if you're joking!
  • Isabela: Of course I'm joking. I'm not getting involved with those people again.
  • Isabela: No... this time, I'll steal the Queen of Antiva. There's no way that could go wrong.

If Hawke romances Merrill

  • Varric: So, Hawke and Daisy.
  • Isabela: I think they're darling together.
  • Varric: It's almost too adorable. Well, except for the evil blood magic thing.
  • Isabela: The most evil thing Merrill does most days is pick the flowers out of other people's gardens.
  • Varric: I know, I have to bribe most of the gardeners in Hightown to keep it quiet.

During The Last Straw after choosing sides

  • Varric: Just curious, does any of this make sense to you?
  • Isabela: What? This whole "everyone's waiting for the world to end" thing?
  • Varric: Yeah, that.
  • Isabela: Not remotely.
  • Varric: Good. It's not just me, then.

Varric and Merrill


  • Merrill: I've never met a dwarf before.
  • Varric: That's because you spend too much time frolicking in the woods, Daisy. Dwarves don't frolic.
  • Merrill: Dalish don't really frolic, either. Not in the woods anyway.
  • Varric: You have sanctioned frolicking areas?
  • Merrill: No, just not in the woods. The trees get jealous.
  • Varric: But you do frolic?
  • Merrill: Of course we do! We wouldn't be elves, otherwise.
  • Merrill: You remind me of Hahren Paivel, Varric. Only younger. And shorter. And not as serious.
  • Varric: So it's a close resemblance, then.
  • Merrill: Well, he tells stories. And you tell stories. Although none of his begin, "No shit, there I was."
  • Varric: I'll have to give him some better stories, then.

After you speak to Merrill in her home for the first time

  • Merrill: Thank you very much for the help earlier, Varric!
  • Varric: You made it back to the Alienage in one piece, then?
  • Merrill: I don't know how I wound up in Darktown. There are just too many corners in Kirkwall.
  • Varric: Still got that ball of twine?
  • Merrill: I left it at my house. Don't worry! I won't get lost while we're following Hawke.
  • Varric: Bring it next time, Daisy. Just in case.
  • Varric: Daisy, for my sake, please quit cutting through the alleys in Lowtown at night.
  • Merrill: Nothing ever happens. I'm perfectly safe, Varric.
  • Varric: Yes, I know. And that nothing is costing me a fortune.


  • Varric: So, I hear you've been visiting the viscount's garden, Daisy.
  • Merrill: They're enormous! And they're always empty. Why don't more people go to see them?
  • Varric: Probably because they're private and surrounded by guards.
  • Merrill: I thought all those men looked a bit cross.
  • Merrill: Bianca is a very pretty name.
  • Varric: I'll tell her you said so, Daisy.
  • Merrill: She can't actually hear you, can she?
  • Varric: Of course she can. What kind of a question is that?
  • Merrill: Wait, are we talking about your crossbow or something else now?

If you complete Family Matter:

  • Merrill: I'm sorry about your brother, Varric. Have you any other family?
  • Varric: (Snorts) I have family like a rat has fleas, Daisy.
  • Merrill: Does that mean you have a lot of family, or that they make you itch alot?
  • Varric: Both.


  • Varric: I'm sure any priest who would pray for Bartrand would burst into flames.
  • Merrill: Oh, I didn't know priesthood was so dangerous.
  • Varric: Don't worry Daisy, the chantry keeps a lot of water on hand.

If you complete Mirror Image

  • Varric: Why a mirror?
  • Merrill: I don't understand the question.
  • Varric: If your people were going to make a magical whatever for talking to each other, why choose a mirror?
  • Varric: Do elves spend a lot of time talking to their own reflections?
  • Merrill: I suppose the ancient elves would have felt silly talking to a wardrobe or an urn.


  • Merrill: You should have this back.
  • Varric: Twine? When did I loan you a ball of twine?
  • Merrill: You gave it to me when I first moved here when I kept getting lost in Lowtown.
  • Merrill: It drove the merchants in the market completely batty, but it did help me find my way.
  • Varric: Keep it, Daisy.
  • Merrill: I don't think I'll be getting lost again anytime soon.
  • Varric: You never know. You might need to tie a package up, hang a lantern, dress a roast chicken. It's multipurpose.
  • Merrill: Is there a story behind Bianca?
  • Varric: There's a story behind everything, Daisy.
  • Merrill: So tell me!
  • Varric: I can't.
  • Merrill: Why not?
  • Varric: There was a girl, and I made a promise. Bianca is the only story I can never tell.
  • Merrill: You can't say that! Now I want to know even more!
  • Varric: That was the idea, Daisy.

During A New Path

  • Varric: Does anybody else get the feeling that this is going to end badly? Just me huh?
  • Merrill: It's not all bad Varric, think of the stories you'll be able to tell later.
  • Varric: No offense Daisy, but I could live without telling anyone that we murdered you on some mountain side, it's little hard to made that one sound good.

During A New Path

  • Varric: Who thought putting a demon in a cave on Sundermount was a good idea in the first place?
  • Merrill: Where would you have put him?
  • Varric: Tevinter maybe? Or in the Anderfels? Further away from Kirkwall that's for sure.

During The Last Straw after choosing sides

  • Merrill: Varric, how does the story end?
  • Varric: Which story, Daisy?
  • Merrill: The big one. With us and Hawke, the Mages and Templars. Everything.
  • Varric: You want to know before it happens? You're not worried about spoiling the surprise?
  • Merrill: I might not see it end.
  • Varric: You have to stick with us if you want to find out how it turns out, Daisy.

Varric and Sebastian


  • Sebastian: It's been very exciting working with Hawke.
  • Varric: Are you for real?

If Hawke is male:

  • Sebastian: It seems like he's involved every time there's a crisis in Kirkwall.

If Hawke is female:

  • Sebastian: It seems like she's involved every time something goes wrong in Kirkwall.
  • Sebastian: I've never had so many opportunities to help people!
  • Varric: All right. I thought I was getting tired of moody. I take it back.
  • Varric: You're making my teeth ache.
  • Varric: So, Choir Boy, this usurper of yours is... twenty feet tall?
  • Sebastian: Not even close, no.
  • Varric: But he has claws for hands, right?
  • Sebastian: Fingers. Perfectly normal ones. If a little fat, perhaps.
  • Varric: He eats babies, though. And farts fire.
  • Sebastian: You're not serious, I hope.
  • Varric: You can't even pretend to be interesting, can you?
  • Sebastian: You must forgive your brother.
  • Varric: While you were off playing prince, Bartrand trapped us in the Deep Roads and left us to die.
  • Sebastian: When you hold onto anger, it colors everything you do.
  • Sebastian: You escaped the Deep Roads. You built a life without your brother. Do you still want him haunting you?
  • Varric: Oh, go find some beggars to sing to, will you?
  • Varric: Tell us about Starkhaven, Choir Boy. I'm sure we're all burning with curiosity about your far-away land.
  • Sebastian: "My far-away land?" It's inland Free Marches, not on the moon.
  • Varric: And here I was hoping...
  • Sebastian: It's a lot like here. But fewer dead people.
  • Varric: Well, you don't have Hawke.


  • Varric: I've heard rumors about Starkhaven, you know.
  • Varric: They say you eat the dead up there. And murder strangers in the street.
  • Sebastian: Why do I suspect that when you say you've "heard" rumors, you mean you've invented some?
  • Varric: Six of one, half-dozen of another.
  • Varric: You know, Choir Boy, I wouldn't normally say this, but—the shiny white armor? It works for you.
  • Sebastian: That's uncharacteristically kind of you, Varric.
  • Varric: Makes you look like a lacquered pilot whale.
  • Sebastian: Ah, now that was much more in-character.
  • Sebastian: You know, if you have time, I could give you a few archery pointers.
  • Varric: Excuse me?
  • Sebastian: Sometimes your shots veer a little left, I thought maybe your cocking ring was off.
  • Sebastian: I could take a look if you like.
  • Varric: You want to touch Bianca's cocking ring?
  • Sebastian: It was just a thought.
  • Varric: So, I've known you for three years now. I give up. You beat me. What is it?
  • Varric: You like boys? Sheep? You slept with your sister?
  • Sebastian: What are you talking about?
  • Varric: What are you hiding? Nobody's this bloody clean.
  • Varric: After you leave the chantry you... get drunk at the Hanged Man and walk around in women's clothes?

If Isabela is in the party:

  • Isabela: Not that I've seen. Unfortunately.
  • Sebastian: I've been honest with you and Hawke.
  • Varric: Liar.
  • Sebastian: Lying is a sin.
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