this is a placeholder I'll be compiling the Origins In DA2 Style parody here eventually. in the meantime you can read it over on BioWare's forums http://social.bioware.com/forum/1/topic/141/index/6927245/1
This is Dragon Strange, an affectionate parody, rather than Dragon Rage a flamefest. I consider Origins to be one of the greatest games I've played and proof that games can in fact be art. DA2 was a disappointing follow-up but still a decent game, just suffering from a lot of flaws and lacking the depth of Origins. This parody is intended to highlight the flaws (and to be fair also highlights some flaws in Origins too) but also to entertain. I've enjoyed writing it, and to my constant amazement people keep assuring me that they enjoy reading it. Once "Origins in DA2 Style" is finished I will give it another going over to fix any typos and improve the formatting, as well as to add a few more pictures. I have plans for a sequel/expansion too, currently titled Hunt For Awakened Golems (but that's still subject to change) which will likely be just as insane, if not more. Provided I don't get locked in a padded cell before getting a chance to write it anyway.
Pick your class: Male Human Noble Warrior, Male Human Mage, Male Human Noble Rogue, Female Human Noble Warrior, Female Human Mage or Female Human Noble Rogue
Game opens during the Battle of Ostagar. Helmeted Warden in gender and class appropriate armour is fighting alongside Alistair fighting wave after wave of Darkspawn as they approach the Tower of Ishal
Alistair: We have to reach the tower! Warden: Yes, we must light the beacon so that the armies will know when to charge. The two fight through a few dozen repetitive waves and enter the tower. Alistair: We are Grey Wardens and it is our responsibility to fight Darkspawn! Warden: Indeed.
The two fight through a few dozen more repetitive waves and get to the next floor which has the exact same layout as the ground floor. [b] Alistair[/b]: I hope Loghain charges when we light the beacon! Warden: Should we put some more story in here? Alistair: No, we need more generic repetitive combat against easily killed exploding enemies to hook the gamers attention, story will only bore and confuse them!
The two fight through a dozen more repetitive waves and get to the next floor which has the exact same layout as the previous floors.
The first wave includes an Ogre but oddly waves continue to spawn even after the boss dies in the first wave. Once the final wave is dead there's an animation of the Ogre dying (despite having done so some time ago) and then more Darkspawn run in. [b] Alistair[/b]: I thought we'd already killed all five billion waves! Warden: Shush, this is a cut scene. Oh, I have been shot.
Varric: ...and then the Kings army were betrayed and instead of an epic cutscene showing all this I'll just tell you because we wouldn't want you getting too excited. Also because we spent all our budget on... actually I don't rightly know where it all went. Wasn't the graphics if the background guys are anything to go by, certainly wasn't the maps...
If the Warden is a mage you get a brief cutscene of Wynne dying in the Battle of Ostagar. The player won't know who she is and won't care. If player is a warrior or rogue you see a brief cutscene of Oghren drunkenly stumbling off a bridge and into lava. The player won't know who he is and won't care.
Warden is unconcious on a bed, bandages around their head. Warden wakes up and begins to remove bandages.
CHARACTER CUSTOMISATION pops up
Varric: Actually now that I think about it, that implementation makes a lot more sense than DA2's did...
Morrigan: Oh good, you're awake. Warden: Morrigan, the apostate wilder I met during a non-playable portion of the game! It is great to see you again. Morrigan rivalry +10
Morrigan: Mother and I have tended your wounds, your friend is outside crying. Warden: Thank you. Morrigan rivalry +10. Alistair: It's you! I thought for sure you were dead! Loghain betrayed us and now... Flemmeth: Hold your tongue, that sounds dangerously like plot! Morrigan rivalry +10 Warden: What? But she's not even here! And why would she care? Alistair: Wait, wasn't that a flaw in Origins? Are we allowed to mock that when we're supposed to be parodying the sequel? Morrigan rivalry +10 Flemmeth: Take these treaties and go recruit the Elves, Dwarves and Mages to form an army. I'd explain in more detail but we've been almost five whole minutes without any combat. Alistair: We should see Arl Eamon too... Flemmeth: Six whole minutes. And take Morrigan with you. Warden (selecting "no"): We will not do so. Flemmeth: She will go with you anyway. Warden: Ok then.
Warden, Alistair and Morrigan are on a path. we hope you enjoy this path because every other path in the game looks just like it. A dozen generic waves of Darkspawn attack and a Dog runs in Warden: I saved a dog just like this back at Ostagar during a non-playable section of the game! It must be the same dog! Alistair: What is his name? ENTER DOGS NAME: Warden: He is a dog and we will pretend I just told you his name even though none of us will ever mention it A few dozen more generic waves of Darkspawn attack.
Morrigan: This is Lothering. Alistair: We should go to Redcliffe and see Arl Eamon. He is a good man. Warden: I think we should go to Orzammar first instead. Alistair: We should go to Redcliffe. Warden: Ok. Elf: We have been robbed, please help us! Warden: Can't be bothered. Alistair rivalry +10 Morrigan friendship +10 Elf: Well I'll just write it in your journal anyway in case you change your mind. Warden: muttermuttermutter Alistair: Oh look, a Chantry board for quests! Warden: I didn't buy the DLC so it's blank.
[i]Morrigan rivalry +10 Alistair rivalry +10[/i]