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Forums: Index > Game DiscussionTop Ten Nasty Things To Do To Loghain
Note: This topic has been unedited for 4470 days. It is considered archived - the discussion is over. Do not continue it unless it really needs a response.


I credit Ygrain for this idea. pretty simple really, just list the top 10 nasty things you can think of to do to Loghain at/after the landsmeet and possibly any surviving accomplices of his that you wish to add. Be as funny or morbid as you desire.


Here's my list, in no particular order:

1. Give Loghain to Empress Celene as a gift, under the condition that he be given the job as her (closely supervised) servant whose official title would be 'Bitch Boy'. It would be made illegal for anyone in the empire of Orlais or the kingdom of Ferelden to refer to him as anything but Bitch Boy from that point on, even re-editing history books.

2. Take Loghain to the middle of Val Royeaux and make him wear a dress and dance the remigold while singing the Orlesian national anthem.

3. Force Loghain to kill Anora, or the other way around.

4. Use magic to freeze the hearts of Loghain, Anora and Ceorlic. ONLY their hearts.

5. Bury Loghain alive in Orlesian Wyvern shit.

6. Force Loghain to watch while you kill Anora.

7. Shoot Bann Ceorlic with an explosive crossbow bolt or a walking bomb spell. Then have Loghain and Anora lick up the mess.

8. Torture chamber. This would be sort of a many in one option.

9. Use blood magic to boil Loghain's blood until it cooks him from the inside out.

10. Use blood magic to turn Loghain into a faithful slave, meatshield and court jester named Ser Bleeds-a-lot.

@ Ser Pedantic: Being concerned only with revenge is of course not a good thing, hell it's Loghain's major fault, but this idea was meant solely for entertainment, to think of funny or brutal (whichever you prefer) alternate fates for certain characters. so what if it's immature? a large portion of things that are fun are immature. For example many people consider playing video games to be immature. Nothing wrong with just sitting back and enjoying yourself while exploring your creativity. relax, laugh, have fun, otherwise what's the point in living? For he record, I think pretty much everything on my list is excessive, but it still makes for some entertaining mental pictures.


--Vampire Damian (talk) 21:54, December 31, 2011 (UTC)


Two words: Grow up!

Surely Zahrain the elven mage in "Nature of the Beast" teaches us that revenge is for the unprincipaled no what the cause and however bad Loghain was - Howe was worse - lets have a thread deriving creative ways for him to avenged.

Ser Pedantic

So revenge is for the unprincipaled unless it is against Arl Howe? ...something is wrong there Anyway:

1. (Copied from post that led to post that ispired thread) ...exile Loghain to the deep roads beneath Orlais. Then he is out of the picture, allowing Alistair to stay, whilst simultaneously doing something productive for the Grey Wardens, and his death remains all but assured. And, since he is in a sense helping Orlais, he'll probably even be thankful for it. The only real fault with the idea is the possibility of him finding an exit, but that is not so bad. He would be in the middle of a country that despises him, and would have nowhere to go, and would probably be killed on sight.

2. The Rite of Tranquility

3. Give him a red lyrium sword and turn him loose in Orlais

4. An arranged marriage to an Orlesian noblewoman with a strong anti-fereldan disposition

5. Trap him in the fade and force him to relive Ostagar again and again from Cailan's persepective

6. Perform the dark ritual, "forget" to tell him about it, allow him to take the final blow then kill him when his back is turned and take both the blow and the glory for yourself.

7. Force him to watch his arms and armour be auctioned off in Val Royeaux and then leave him to the mercy of the Orlesians.

8. Exile.

9. Allow him to go through the joining

10. The Wickerman

----Isolationistmagi 22:31, December 31, 2011 (UTC)


Usually top tens go from 10 to one, in order from worst to best. So, here's my top ten.

10. Return Loghain to Gwaren and allow him to continue serving as its Teyrn.

9. Give Loghain an advisory position to the throne of Ferelden, in an official capacity in addition to his Terynir.

8. Allow Loghain to assume the throne of Ferelden outright, but with the understanding that he will have to take the advice of the other nobles into account.

7. Declare Loghain the unequivocated Emperor of Ferelden From Now Until the End of Time, allowing him to do pretty much whatever he wants in the country with no drawbacks.

6. Give a gift to the new Emperor consisting of Empress Celene's head on a silver platter.

5. His gift also includes a vast, capable network of spies and assassins in Orlais.

4. The spy network and head also come in addition to a new, mighty, and advanced Fereldan Army, capable of capitalizing on the Orlesian Civil War.

3. Declare Loghain the undisputed Lord of Southern Thedas.

2. Just give in to the inevitable and allow him to take over all of Thedas and become Archking of the entire continent.

1. Just for shits and giggles, the Qunari will shift their faith to "The Logh", and shall henceforth be known as the Loghari.Rathian Warrior (talk) 22:27, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

Er, thank you? /scuttles off to think about something particularly nasty/ --Ygrain (talk) 23:30, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

Why all the hate for Loghain? He was a hero, and well respected. There wouldnt be a Ferelden without him. Cailin was about to leave his daughter to be with the orlesian empress i think that'd cause anyone with Loghain's background to snap...Warden Mage: Ferris (talk) 00:18, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

The whole abondoning his King and saving his own (and country's from his prespective) insted of dying along side Cailan.CrowInvictus (talk) 01:01, January 1, 2012 (UTC)


Anora was barren, so she couldn't bear an heir and that alone might have made some see her as an unfit queen simply because they did not wish to see the family line that has ruled since King Calenhad die out. Though I doubt many in Ferelden (least of all, the nobles) would support Cailan marrying Celene. He was a terrible king but he did seem to be a good man. unfortunately as Orzammar proved, the better person is not always the better king. I do wonder what Maric would say about all this.

I'd imagine he'd kill Loghain and Anora (if she executed Alistair) for being responsible for the deaths of Duncan and his sons, hiring a blood mage to poison his brother-in-law, which in turn led to Redcliffe possibly being overrun and wiped out by demons and possibly the deaths of Isolde and Connor, working with another blood mage (Uldred) and possibly causing the death of everyone in the circle tower, effectively leaving Ferelden with next to no mages during a blight, consenting to sending foreign assassins after the last grey wardens in Ferelden during a blight (one of which being his son), selling the elves into slavery, and giving Denerim to the man who was responsible for killing nearly the entire Cousland family and some other visiting nobles on top of the soldiers, servants, teacher, priest and anyone else unfortunate enough to be in the castle when it was sacked. He may not have known what was going on in Howe's dungeon but he had to know about the Couslands. For a man who claims to have the best interest of Ferelden at heart, he seems ok with killing a large amount of them.

Imagine what would have happened if Flemeth had not saved the Warden and Alistair from the Tower of Ishal. There would have been no one to stop the archdemon and Ferelden would largely have been destroyed. Even if there was no archdemon, if Logain had succeeded in killing all the wardens at Ostagar, Redcliffe, the Circle Tower and Soldier's Peak would have all remained under demonic control for who knows how long. The werewolves probably would have wiped out the elves (granted, that's an option for the warden anyway, it's not one most would choose), and there was still the Architect. Ferelden would have become a haven for demons, werewolves, abominations and intelligent darkspawn. The circle may have been annulled but it could have been too late by the time the order showed and they could have escaped or the demons from Redcliffe might have made a move to help their nearby demonic brethren. Soldier's Peak was isolated and sealed so the demons could not leave, but Avernus was going to die soon and then they would all be free. Think more carefully about what Loghain may deserve. Even he reluctantly admitted in the end if nothing else, that he deserved to die. --Vampire Damian (talk) 02:17, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

Hey im by no means saying Loghain was a great guy, but after everything he went through with Maric, after seeing his homeland burned to ahses. He did what he thought was necessary to secure Ferelden. Cailin was a good man, but not a good king. He sought glory over duty. As Loghain said Cailin wanted to play at war, Loghain had seen what real war was. Like i said, he's a bad guy, but i gotta feel for him a little bit...had the paranoia not gripped him so badly he might have made better decisions. Heck, if anyone ever did a play through where you recruited Loghain, have a conversation with him..he isn't as evil as you might think. Warden Mage: Ferris (talk) 02:55, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

10. Dress him in a giant rat costume and unleash the mabari on him.

9. Strap him to a chair and make him listen to Isolde for eternity, AND require him to thank her for the experience every few 5 minutes.

8. Make him tea bag a feral ghoul.

7. Make a feral ghoul tea bag him.

6. Make him the sex toy of an angry Qunari.

5. Make him follow a fully armored Oghren on a 20 mile hike through a desert, then lick the dwarf's butt crack clean.

4. Peel all the skin from his body, over the course of several weeks. Allow him to heal. Repeat throughout eternity.

3. Make him watch Jersey Shore over and over until he breaks- then inform him he is Snooki's sex slave.

2. Shoot him in the knee with an arrow, and curse him to tell the story to every passerby.

1. FUS-RO-DAH!!!!!!

I couldn't help myself on those last two. LVTDUDE (talk) 03:44, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

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